Dull like a spork. Or something.

Have you ever read music reviews from the Associated Press? They're hilariously bland and incompetent. Check out this bit from the AP's review of Garbage's new album Bleed Like Me:

The troupe of former Blue Oyster Cult members — save glamazon frontwoman Shirley Manson — has been infused with the edginess of a Ginsu knife, lavishly exposing old wounds and new ones with potent guitars riffs and brawny drums. “You should see my scars,” former self-mutilator Manson whispers on the album’s paramount title track.

First: how bad is that Ginsu knife bullshit? Second: how awkward is the phrasing of"the album's paramount title track"? Third: gotta get that People Magazine factoid about Manson's status as a cutter in there. Fourth: er, the dudes in Garbage were never in Blue Öyster Cult. (And it's Blue Öyster Cult, AP Dude. They worked hard for the umlaut.) Where'd they get the bogus BÖC notion? My guess is the chimp who wrote the piece misread David Fricke's Rolling Stone review: "The density and detail of the charging guitars in 'Bad Boyfriend,' 'Right Between the Eyes' and 'Why Do You Love Me' make you wonder if, in another life, Vig, Marker and Erikson were all members of Blue Oyster Cult." Oops. Fact-checking, what?

Bonus beats:
"The electro-rockers' torrential stabbing on 'Why Don't You Come Over' slices the cranium enough to force a listner run for cover."
--Also from the Garbage review.

"And while Beck once sang — or better yet, rapped — about getting crazy with cheese whiz, 'Guero' finds him singing about matters seemingly too serious for a someone who has posed with an acoustic guitar while wearing a gas mask."
--From the AP's Guero review.

"There’s not much happening after the first half of this disc, when [producer Linda] Perry brings more of a punch-the-clock mentality to the collaboration.

By then, turn to the liner notes for entertainment value, particularly where Presley effusively thanks everyone who was involved. Perry’s buddy Pink stopped by to add some vocals and Presley recalls, 'I fell in love with you the minute we connected. I believe it was at around 4 a.m. one night, drunk on the floor barking at each other.'

Oh, to be a floor sweeper for that recording session!"
--From the AP's reivew of Lisa Marie Presley's new disc.