A Whine Colored Sea exclusive!

Since Josh is probably asleep, I can scoop him... President Martin Van Buren has responded to El Presidente de Fagistan.

First, Josh posted this:

Mr. President,
You are among my favorite dead presidents for many reasons. These reasons include your mutton chops and your status as father of the Democratic Party. My favorite things about you are your various nicknames: Old Kinderhook, the Red Fox of Kinderhook and the Little Magician. However, what do you have to say about the fact that you have been born again through the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, head of the Moonie cult. The statements of all dead presidents through Nixon are here. But I will post the complete text of what you, Martin Van B, had to say about Reverend Moon on June 17, 2002:
"People on earth must receive the Messiah's direct guidance.
I candidly accept that I failed to accomplish my responsibility as the father of the nation when I was on earth. I also confess that I did not even comprehend my own existence on earth. Until now I have lived here in the spirit world experiencing numerous mental struggles and much agony over these responsibilities. How could I have lived in such ignorance as to not realize that God's eternal aspect resides within human nature and that there exists another world that is vast and eternal? God, who is our parent and who wants to live together with us for eternity, has always existed and has constantly given us his silent instructions and guidance. Words cannot describe how ashamed I am or how much I reproach myself for completely neglecting this fact. I came to know these things for a certainty through the Divine Principle.
I want to be sure to take this opportunity to tell the people on earth one thing. That is that the spirit world where every person must live forever exists for a certainty. Those who do not prepare themselves on earth for life in this world are certain to face suffering and pain here. I hope that you will come here after having walked the correct path on earth. The quickest way to do so is to receive the instructions of the Messiah, who is on earth. The Messiah in this age is Rev. Sun Myung Moon. He was sent by God. Please never forget this point."

Then Pres. M. VB said: I prefer my messiah to be semetic and handy with lumber, but fear not -- I never said that shit, and Moon is still a wacky cult leader, buying members of congress with cold hard cash stolen from sad fools.