Dear John Powers,

Thank you for making my Sam Mendes hateration look like child's play:

After the latest tarted-up flop from director Sam Mendes — and to think people gave Marisa Tomei grief for her Academy Award — he returned to England declaring that we Yanks just can’t handle a neutral movie on the subject of gulf war. Which is like an American returning to Iowa and claiming the dull-palated Brits can’t grasp the culinary refinement of a corn dog. Call me a hard-ass, but I don’t need any more war movies by some London theater director for whom Marines might as well be Martians.

(The rest of the article is pretty damn great.)

Your pal,

Ben