Sunday, May 30, 2004

Put the powder on my lips.

While we're on the subject of Crony, I tried to get into Naked Lunch last night. Couldn't do it. It's odd, 'cause I really do love the Crony and most of his work. But I can never get into this one. Crash? Sure, dig it. eXistenZ? Oh boy do I love that one. M. Butterfly? OK, there's another one. Can't get past the 20 min mark on that one.
I'm throwing this out to another Crony fan: do you dig on this one? Am I the only one who finds it dull and silly and stilted?

Can't wait to see the re-mastered VCR stomach-vagina.

Go check out Criterion's cover to Crony's Videodrome. It's beautiful. Can't wait for this one.

Well, at least people will read about it.

In my book, anything that is going to get people to see Altman's 3 Women is a good thing. I love the idea that the NY Times gave space to the movie, which will probably result in a lot of people seeking it out. But how depressing is this essay? Other than a bland summary and a few brief quotes from the DVD commentary track, it offers absolutely nothing. A real let down.

Friday, May 28, 2004


Enjoyed this line from The New York Times' pan of the Madonna tour:
"Madonna calls her new traveling show the Re-Invention World Tour, and, if anything, the name seems a bit too obvious. (You don't see John Kerry crisscrossing the country on a tour called Lots of Speeches.)"

Jay Watch

Tim's friend Jay was one of the first people I knew with a blog. For whatever reason, I got in the habit of constantly checking in... not that I really knew this kid or thought his blog was, in the parlance of urban culture, da bomb. He certainly hasn't lived up to his full potential as a blogger. Not like a certain hypersensitive homo or his biographer.

Anyway, my point is: that motherfletcher hasn't updated his shit in nigh on two months. What is the deal with that? So here's his
blog, I say everyone should pester him until we have more, um, thrilling tales of kidney stones and such.

Thursday, May 27, 2004


Just one of the titles from The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles!

Flip it.

Doesn't this headline below point to the problem with the hypothetical matchup?
CBS News Poll: McCain/Kerry Ticket A Winner.

Er, shouldn't that be Kerry/McCain?

This line amuses me.

"There is a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. To me, that sounds like a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time."

That's from Demetri Martin's journal over at Slate. He writes for Conan.

Conan, like Futon World, is magical.

Jesus F-ing Christ

I just try to make an EAGLE joke (and point out that Rufus Wainwright is a bit of a drama queen) and Josh gets all up in arms over my mischaracterization or some shit. Yeesh.

I think Josh would be wise to take a gander at what Papa Gibson has to say about his son's life(style). Yeah, that would be located under the comment section of Josh's bday wish to his dad. (I'm too lazy to hyperlink it. Do the legwork yourself.)

Can we all agree that Josh is totally humorless and hypersensitive?

(As I am about to click publish, I realzie that Josh will prob then respond to this with some weepy bullshit about how he takes offense to this and how he's not humorless or hypersensitive, etc. But we all know the truth. Don't we? Huh? Huh? That's what I thought.)

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Uh oh, somebody told them... got all hip and opened up The Criterion Store.

Again: what the F?

Keepin' it fair and balanced, from our most excellent Pres.:

"God loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear."—Los Angeles, Calif., March 3, 2004

What the F?

Slate's Kerryism of the Day :
"'I would never reduce the happiness of any two people in life who find whatever way it is that they privately believe makes them happy and fulfills their needs and rewards them as human beings. I've been to a commitment ceremony when it was a commitment ceremony.'"

(Sen. Kerry was asked: would you attend a gay wedding?)

Oops, I crapped my pants.

Defamer's got this horrible tale:
"We're hearing that Fox really drummed up some excitement at the upfronts in New York, but not because they've decided to destabilize the television business with their crazy ideas. The whispers are that a member of their marketing staff got so stinking drunk that he/she really got stinking drunk--and shit him/herself. Then someone took pics of said poopypants, which circulated back to the bosses. Which, of course, led to a speedy dismissal. It's bad enough to crap yourself in a room full of your peers (or so we hear), but if Fox fired the poor staffer, well, that would smell even worse."

In Response to Josh

Josh thinks there's nothing inflammatory about the Rufus quote I posted yesterday. I tend to agree. I didn't post it for its inflammatory content. I posted it 'cause I found it funny and sort of pathetic/naive in the "I-am-an-angry-college-student/member-of-EAGLE*" way.

I mean, Rufus is willing to give up his life in protest at the Republican Convention this fall? Really?

And is the solution to the middle east mess a cum bath? Er, methinks not.

* For those readers unaware (Tim), EAGLE stands for "Emerson [College] Alliance of Gays, Lesbians, and Everyone."

(Which begs the question: if this alliance is for everyone, why is it not EAE? I guess 'cause that sounds like something that would have come out of Darryl Hannah's mouth in Splash and not an organization for Emerson's moody homos. Also, can an alliance be for everyone? I mean, if EAGLE is really for EVERYONE, what are these allies up against? Because all the bigots and hataz and the 700 Club would already be a part of the alliance.)

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Mr. Savage breaks it down.

In today's Onion, Dan Savage (he of the Savage Love sex column) responds to an earlier column he wrote, wherein he told chunky women not to wear low-cut jeans, it would be a good idea to get healthy & lose weight, etc. Typically, his inbox got flooded with a bunch of angry fatties calling him an opressor. In a most excellent move, Mr. Savage side-steps the fatties and goes after a real issue of "opression." Being the ignorant fuck that I am, I was unaware of this whole "Plan B" issue. Not anymore. Check it:

In December, the FDA's Reproductive Health Advisory Committee voted 23-4 in favor of making Plan B, the "morning after" birth-control pill, available to women, large and small, without a prescription. Plan B is emergency contraception, and women who've had a condom break or engaged in drunken unprotected sex need to be able to get their hands on it quickly. Plan B is not "regular" birth control, meaning it can't take the place of the pill or condoms. But it is a safe and effective backup that prevents a woman from ovulating or, if a fertilized egg is already present, prevents it from attaching to the womb—the fate of half of all fertilized eggs anyway. Plan B is available to women in 100 nations and sold over the counter in 33.
I am thoroughly annoyed at having my tame statements of fact—being heavy is a health risk, and rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly—characterized as 'hate speech.'

Despite the recommendation of its expert panel, in May the FDA announced that it would not make Plan B available without a prescription. Why? The Bush-appointed asswipes running the FDA claimed they were concerned that Plan B couldn't be used safely by girls between the ages of 11 and 15. (Pregnancy at 11, however, girls can handle fine.) By that standard, members of the FDA's expert panel pointed out, no drugs would be available to anyone without a prescription. You can overdose and die on freaking Tylenol, for crying out loud. The real reason the Bushies don't want women to get their hands on Plan B, of course, is that they don't want women—young or old, large or small—to be able to control their own reproductive systems. That's oppression, no?

Sorting through 10,547 outraged e-mails, I couldn't help but wonder how many of those 10,547 took the time to write the FDA and complain about the Plan B decision. If you did, good for you. If you didn't, there's still time: You can make amends for obsessing about how my column allegedly oppresses women by calling the FDA on their actual oppression of American women. Call the bastards at the FDA at (888) 463-6332, or send them an e-mail via the FDA's web site ( But, considering that the FDA is currently in the hands of Bush Administration appointees (read: Jesus freaks and Bible-thumpers), your time might be better spent sending letters to your representatives in the U.S. House and Senate, which you can do via these two web sites: and

Finally, god bless Canada for being so sensible and so close by. Days after the FDA refused to approve Plan B, the Canadian government announced that Canadians will soon be able to enjoy over-the-counter Plan B along with their gay marriages, socialized medicine, and decriminalized pot.

Sayong good-bye to my inner prep-school hippie.

Sniffle, sniffle:


Last Friday night, I got together with Mike, Page and Fish to talk openly about the strong feelings I've been having that Phish has run its course and that we should end it now while it's still on a high note. Once we started talking, it quickly became apparent that the other guys' feelings, while not all the same as mine, were similar in many ways -- most importantly, that we all love and respect Phish and the Phish audience far too much to stand by and allow it to drag on beyond the point of vibrancy and health. We don't want to become caricatures of ourselves, or worse yet, a nostalgia act. By the end of the meeting, we realized that after almost twenty-one years together we were faced with the opportunity to graciously step away in unison, as a group, united in our friendship and our feelings of gratitude.

So Coventry will be the final Phish show. We are proud and thrilled that it will be in our home state of Vermont. We're also excited for the June and August shows, our last tour together. For the sake of clarity, I should say that this is not like the hiatus, which was our last attempt to revitalize ourselves. We're done. It's been an amazing and incredible journey. We thank you all for the love and support that you've shown us.

-- Trey Anastasio

Well, at least HE liked it.

Time's Richard Corliss calls Wong Kar- wai's 2046 the best film at Cannes. Here's a bit of his review:

What you need to know, what 2046 makes unavoidably clear, is that Wong Kar-wai is the most romantic filmmaker in the world. In incandescent images of glamorous performers, he details love's anguish and rapture, which are often the same thing. Beautiful women throw themselves at handsome men—Leslie Cheung and Tony Leung Chiu-wai—and the men often step aside. Love, the playwright Terry Johnson wrote, is something you fall in. Wong's films make art out of that vertiginous feeling. They soar as their characters plummet.

Oh what a world.

Rufus is... too much. God bless him for the music, but man... he's... well, check out the excerpt below (from the UK's Independent):

"[Wainwright] says, entirely earnestly, that he has no option but to protest outside this summer's Republican convention in New York and that he is 'willing to die for this'.

Are you ashamed to be American right now?

'No, because I don't think it's America that's doing this. It's the military-industrial complex, and it's distinctly un-American. But I do feel ashamed of our government, and sometimes of our people - yes,' he decides.

Another new song, 'The Gay Messiah', is already a central component of Wainwright's live set. It might not be apparent from lines such as 'I won't be the one/Baptised in cum', but it was inspired by the Israeli-Palestinian conflict."

I do recall hearing that one of Rabin's plans to end the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was a good ol' bukake (sp?).

Monday, May 24, 2004

God is in the iPod, part deux.

I thought I would try again.
I am putting my iPod on shuffle--all 5,605 songs currently stored on it--and seeing if God/Jehova/Whatever is trying to speak to me/tell me something through the first 20 songs that get spit out.

Here we go.

Ryan Adams: "Nuclear"
David Bowie: "Time"
Marvin Gaye: "Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)"
Jay-Z: "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)"
Beck: "Puttin It"
Modest Mouse: "A Different City"
Moby: "I'm Not Worried At All"
David Bowie: "Fall Dog Bombs the Moon"
Sly & The Family Stone: "I Get High On You"
Bjork: "Headphones"
Nine Inch Nails: "Closer"
Hole: "Use Once & Destroy"
Sly & The Family Stone: "Poet"
Neil Finn: "Don't Dream It's Over"
Bjork: "Hidden Place"
David Bowie: "Lodger"
Curve: "Falling Free (Aphex Twin Remix)"
Daft Punk: "Crescendolls"
Emmylou Harris: "Boy From Tupelo"
Sean Lennon: "Bathtub"

Interesting. Ladies and gentlemen, I am kind of convinced that God may in fact be trying to tell me something. Clearly He's into Bowie (natch) and is a fan of Sly (who isn't?), but this list says to me: even though shit looks fucked up and scary and overwhelming, relax... we're gonna make it. All is gonna be just fine, just trust in J-E-S-U-S, read some of those Left Behind books and take a bath. Maybe make some nachos, get high and watch some 700 Club. 'Sall good.


From a New York Times review of one of those epic pop-radio concert:
"[There was also] a half-song performance by the Backstreet Boys, who answered the question on everyone's mind (Do they have any jazzy a cappella songs?) in the excruciating affirmative. "

Love it.

I couldn't resist.

I'm not the biggest fan of Dave Poland or his work. But any column that begins "To call Michael Moore a pathological liar is just too easy…"

Well, it's got my attention.

The column's a little all over the place, but well worth a look. It's basically Poland's take on the insane spin going on with the Cannes win and the quest for a distributor, etc.

It's true...

...Fred Durst does have a blog. On said blog he tries to convince people that he's sensitive and into cool music (like The Smiths and Aphex Twin). He also posts things like this:

"i am amazed at the things i see and hear in the news about our world. i feel like i am in a bad robocop movie. the headlines seem seem so unreal. the chaos and decay of a species unfolding before our very eyes. the rise and fall of human beings is being written in real time. this won't be a vicious cycle that continues on a path way to the righteous world. we are seeing and suffering through the beginning of the apocalypse. how long it will drag out is a mystery. it is such a terrible thought to put out there, but it sure seems like reality through my eyes. in many ways it makes me appreciate life in general. having a somewhat normal day or what may seem as a normal day is something i don't want to take for granite anymore. simple things like sitting in the sun and hearing birds, cars, airplanes, and voices filling the air while your whole world revolves around that particular moment. the frustrations and troubles we weigh ourselves down with can become transparent in such a simple moment. "

Take for granite? Wow. I... you know, I'm just going to leave it at that.

Why I love Buddyhead.

Besides being for the kids, I love them for posting this shit:

Call up William Hung’s voicemail (from American Idol) @ 818-633-9638 and tell him Buddyhead has no idea who he is, but someone emailed us his phone number so you’re calling him to tell him “ROCK N’ ROLL PSYCHO FREAK OUT”.

Thanks, Criterion.

The Digital Bits has a great scoop:
"Also today, you should know that Criterion is working on a 2-disc special edition of David Cronenberg's Videodrome for release in August, along with a DVD release of George Franju's Eyes Without a Face. Videodrome is expected to include audio commentary by Cronenberg and cinematographer Mark Irwin, another commentary by stars James Woods and Deborah Harry, Cronenberg's short film Camera, a 30-minute documentary about the film's makeup and special effects, the 30-minute Fear on Film 1982 roundtable discussion (between Cronenberg, John Carpenter and John Landis, hosted by Mick Garris), a 1982 promotional featurette, trailers, extensive photo galleries (with makeup tests, behind-the-scenes photos, publicity stills, marketing materials and more) and the complete Samurai Dreams (the fake Japanese soft-core porn film seen in the movie). "

Hideous Whore Donkey.

Josh excerpts an amusing TV column from Salon. God bless Josh for posting that shit, 'cause it has been ages since I checked out the (once excellent) Salon.

Keep that shit up Josh. (It saves me from being forced to look at those annoying ads and wading through piles of vomit by Lamott/Eggers.)

More proof that Clear Channel is in cahoots with the Dark Lord.

Not content to throw material it finds offensive off the air, monopolize radio stations and control nearly every concert venue in the U.S., Clear Channel is now in control of the ability to record and release live CDs from shows made at their venues. It's not just that they have the technology to do this, it's that Clear Channel has the final say over what can and can't come out. Not the artist. The Pixies have already been told that they won't be able to release future shows recorded at Clear Channel venues.

When will it end?

His talent is like space...

...infinite. You best represent, people.

Clay?! We hardly knew ye!

Thanks to Stereogum for finding that one.



Farewell, my beloved Adriana.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

A letter from Mike.

Just in case you missed it:

"Fahrenheit 9/11" Wins Top Prize in Cannes
May 23, 2004


Hello from Cannes! I’m sure by now many of you have heard the good news—“Fahrenheit 9/11” has won the top prize at the Cannes Film Festival. It is the first time in nearly 50 years a documentary has won the Palme d’Or (the Golden Palm).

Myself and twenty-six members of our crew are here in Cannes and we are in a state of shock. None of us expected this. First came the critics’ reviews on Monday (The New York Times called it my best film ever), then the audience reaction at our premiere (a 20-minute standing ovation, a new all-time record for the festival), the International Federation of Film Critics Award on Friday, and then the best film prize last night. It’s all been an incredible week for us and I can’t wait to get back home and show you all this wonderfully powerful film we’ve made.

No, we still don’t have a distributor in America as I write this but after winning the world’s top film prize I’d give it about one more day (if that) before we have someone brave enough (and smart enough) to show Americans what the world can already see (Albania, this week, became the final country—other than the U.S.—to sign on with a distributor).

I am still hoping for a July release (4th of July weekend?) both in the U.S. and around the world.

I fully expect the right wing and the Republican Party to come at me and this film with everything they’ve got. They will try, as they have unsuccessfully in the past, to attack me personally because they cannot win the debate on the issues the film raises—namely, that they are a pack of liars and the American people are on to them. And, if the early screenings of “Fahrenheit 9/11” are any indication, those who see this movie will never view the Bush administration in the same way again. Even if you already can’t stomach George W. Bush & Co., I think this movie will take you to places you haven’t gone before, with laughter and with tears.

I will let you all know—as soon as we have a distributor—the date the film is opening. Until then, check out some of the articles that have been written, and check out the awards ceremony from Cannes.

Thanks everyone for your support.


Michael Moore

P.S. When you hear the wackos on Fox News and elsewhere refer to this prize as coming from “the French,” please know that of the nine members of the Festival jury, only ONE was French. Nearly half the jury (four) were Americans and the President of the jury was an American (Quentin Tarantino). But this fact won’t stop the O’Reillys or the Lenos or the Limbaughs from attacking the French and me because, well, that’s how their simple minds function.


It's the truth, Ruth.

Josh rightly smacks me down for my overheated post on 3 Women. But I gotta say, even though it is a little too... oh, Berkeley Beacon (circa 1999), it's the truth.


Oh the disbelief over THAT movie winning the Palme D'Or. I was going to get into it, but Josh took care of it already.

Jesus, QT cried? Time to get an f-ing grip.

Fagistan gets a makeover.

Can we all agree that Fagistan looks totally fab now that it has that star in the upper left corner? So fetch.

3 Women.

Last night I took a trip down the lost highway that is Robert Altman's 3 Women.I absolutely loved it. I'm not surprised to learn that Altman mapped out the film after he woke from a dream (which occured when he dozed off while sitting next to his gravely-ill wife in a hospital).

It's actually quite hard for me to formulate anything worthy to write about the film, as it seems more like a rich and obtuse dream that I experienced than an actual film that I watched.

Can't wait to re-watch it.

Bob's the man.


Ebert hates on the new Wong Kar Wai:
"'2046' is a colossal failure... [It's] the kind of film you build a tortured defense for, lest you seem uncool."

Eb has never been the greatest of WKW supporters, so let's hope he's off here.


Just FYI.

Saturday, May 22, 2004


Well, it was bound to happen.
Damn them Frenchies.

Friday, May 21, 2004


I just noticed that my last 3 enteries were posted on the 34th minute of the hour. Kinda creepy, methinks. Is 34 the new 13?

Rosie is Basquiat?

Roger Friedman is a gossip columnist for I read his column daily, 'cause he often has scoops on all sorts of interesting movie news.

That's not to say I really like Mr. Friedman or his work. While he can get the inside news on the latest casting or production deals, he's also a hack and a sycophant.

For instance: anything to do with Rosie O'Donnell is pure brilliance. When O'Donell's troubled musical, "Taboo," arrived on B'way, Friedman spent days and days lavishing praise on it.

Now he's hyping this: Rosie O'Donnell the artist. She makes collages (Y'know, like every other girl with the slightest artistic inclination who ever went to college) and does some canvas work. Who knows, maybe she's got talent. But look at Friedman flipping his shit:

"Nevertheless, her paintings recall the late Jean-Michel Basquiat's most tortured work in many instances. There is also a little bit of Sam Francis, and some Warhol...
At the Pop Gallery, there is maybe too much on the walls. With better editing, O'Donnell's show might have more impact. There is real talent at work here, especially large oil canvas rendering of her grandmother that is startlingly good. But there are also many different genres all mixed together, which either shows the same kind of genius as say, Prince."

Damn, Rosie must have some skillz...
Either that or she's paying him some nice bank.

From the Imperialist/Racist files at the NY Post.

The Japanese no rikey Rost In Transration:
"Coppola's negative stereotyping makes her more the thinking person's Sylvester Stallone than a cinematic genius. Good luck to the director for getting away with it, but what on earth are people with some semblance of taste doing saluting it?"

....a fly on the wall.

"IN THE EARLY MORNING: I was hoping to write this morning about Iraq but I'm too tired now after talking half the night chez Hitch. I'll check in later today to explain why a) I'm more encouraged than I have been and b) why I'm now persuaded that that wedding party story was and is bullshit."

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Word up.

I haven't actually heard this, but I read a review of N.E.R.D.'s "She Wants to Move (Native Tongue Remix)" and near the end, De La chime in with this line:

"Beat it, boardwalk, she ain't property/ Parked her place on my monopoly."

Don't know why, but I think this line rules.

The Oscar race begins.

I'm not sure how many non-Angelenos realize how intense the Oscar race gets here. For months studios take out the most insane two-three-four page ads in the papers and trades magazies. They put up billboards, throw parties, have screenings, and on and on and on.

The other move is they allow anyone who is a member of SAG, the DGA, the WGA, and seemingly any other union in the biz to get into their movies at any theater for free.

Today, Focus Features announced that any member of the Academy or the above-mentioned guilds/unions could get into Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for free.

I mean, I'd love for the movie to get nominated for everything it can. But isn't it a wee bit on the early side to start campaigning?

Guess not.

Pierluigi can rest easy now.

From IMDb Pro News:
"Multihyphenate Vincent Gallo's Brown Bunny, which became the story of Cannes last year, has found a home at indie banner Wellspring. However, the film that has been acquired is much different than the one that screened and created such controversy here last year -- which Gallo subsequently contended was a rough version. This Bunny is the feature that subsequently hopped to the Toronto International Film Festival last fall to a far less incendiary reception and reaction. Wellspring will roll out the film in late August in New York and Los Angeles. The unit plans a home video release next year. Bunny follows a road trip by a motorcycle racer obsessed with a past relationship. The film first generated heat at Cannes 2003 because it includes an onscreen fellatio scene between its stars, Gallo and Chloe Sevigny. But it became the center of a media maelstrom when Gallo took on unenthusiastic critics with his customary vitriol."

As per Josh's request.

The 411 on Alexandra Kerry's film. I think you have to pay to view that link (I hate the LA Times), so I'll clip the text:

And then there was Alexandra Kerry.

The young aspiring director, daughter of presumptive Democratic presidential nominee John F. Kerry, spent her days here running from one interview to another, trapped in a bizarre dance between what the media desired and the message she wanted to impart. She seemed perplexed and embarrassed by the media attention but hoped that the press would nevertheless want to cover her movie — a 12-minute short film about a young girl whose father returns from Vietnam.

"The Last Full Measure" was one of more than 100 works in the festival's Short Film Corner (her film was rejected for the competition). Yet she was the only director of a short film to be featured in the American Pavilion's news conference. In fact, Pavilion organizers said it was the first time a director of a short was featured in such a conference.

When asked why he was attending the news conference, Italian journalist Antonello Catacchio said: "It's the daughter of the possible president of the U.S. — well at least I hope he is because ... I don't like Bush."

What about her short film? "It's not unforgettable. But it's a simple story," he said, shrugging.

Being a presidential hopeful's daughter has been an adjustment — especially in the fish bowl media blitz of Cannes.

Kerry's publicist tried mightily to control the beast, including tape recording interviews with journalists, editing out the American Pavilion's printed description of Kerry that included a mention of her father, and trying to control questions at the news conference.

"I am shy," Kerry said in a private, quick interview. "It's been a really interesting learning experience." Her message about her film was further derailed by a wardrobe malfunction on the red carpet. Apparently nobody warned her that flashing cameras on a thin black dress would make it completely transparent — an especially troubling detail since Kerry went to the premiere sans bra. The revealing photos soon landed on the Internet.

Middle America may be appalled, but the British tabloid the Sun News declared: "Kerry's Daughter Makes a Good Showing!"

He might have a point.

Godard on Moore:
"Godard concluded, 'Moore doesn't distinguish between text and image. He doesn't know what he's doing.'"

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

That lovable ol' Billy Bob

I'm sure he's a charming drunk.
From Ebert:

"One question involving the conditions of performance:

Is it true that Billy Bob Thornton was drunk during most of his scenes for 'Bad Santa,' the Terry Zwigoff film that plays Tuesday in the festival? (It opened in the States last year.)

'Absolutely,' Thornton told me as we did a Q&A session at the American Pavilion. 'There's one scene where I'm supposed to arrive late to work as Santa Claus, with a cut face, holding a broken bottle. I get to the top of the escalator where all the kiddies are waiting and attack a papier-mache donkey.

'Well, I had overprepared for the scene, let's say, and I was supposed to wait at the bottom of the escalator until the director said, 'Action!' Then a crew member would start the escalator. I laid down on the steps and went to sleep, the escalator started, I didn't know a thing and I arrived upstairs, still passed out.'

The actor said he rarely drinks on the job, 'but this role seemed to call for it.'"


Going over old Bushisms.
This one makes me cringe:

"The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke against that. I spoke out against interracial dating. I support the policy of interracial dating."

George W. Bush
  - CBS News; February 25, 2000

Oh Bo.

Based on the title, I had to pass this link along: Bo Derek Speaks Out Against Horsemeat

Hitch on Moore (via Sully)

Sorry, couldn't resist.
Thanks, Sully. :
HITCH ON MICHAEL MOORE: 'But speaking here in my capacity as a polished, sophisticated European as well, it seems to me the laugh here is on the polished, sophisticated Europeans. They think Americans are fat, vulgar, greedy, stupid, ambitious and ignorant and so on. And they've taken as their own, as their representative American, someone who actually embodies all of those qualities.' - Christopher Hitchens on 'Scarborough Country,' last night.

Go Mike Wilson.

The Telegraph has an interesting bit of news (in their critique of a certain movie that I have been fixated on):
"The simple truth about Michael Moore is that this self-righteous critic of corporate America is one of its most bloated beneficiaries. It is time someone made a film about him - and, we are pleased to report, someone is. Forget Fahrenheit 9/11: later this year, a young film-maker called Mike Wilson will unveil a documentary entitled Michael Moore Hates America, in which the self-proclaimed 'slob in a baseball cap' will find his techniques turned on himself. "

Who's the boss?

Wonkette (via Swamp City) outs Washingtonienne's boss--- it's none other than Sen. Mike Dewine (R-OH).

It's funny... 'cause last night, I had managed to work myself up into thinking that this whole thing was actually a fake and was publicity stunt to promote Bret Easton Ellis's new novel. (As if that fucker is ever going to get off his ass and write anything new.)

DC sex scandals are too much fun.


It seemed too good to be true... And it was.
Back in Feb., word circulated that Brian Wilson and Van Dyke Parks were recording some new material to augment the legendary lost Beach Boys album, Smile. The story went: Wilson and Parks were mulling over the hours and hours of tape that they created in 1967, were recording bits and pieces needed to fill in gaps, and were going to mix it all together and... voila! The legendary Smile would be available for all to hear.
Today Pitchfork is reporting that Wilson has opted to re-record the whole album, throw out all the '67 material and just start over from scratch.
For obvious reasons (like, oh, Wilson can't really sing anymore) this sucks.
The album will be released via Nonesuch in September.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Real or fake?

Who cares?

Dirty animal sex on the hill.

Wonkette--for those of you who haven't been paying attention--has a really great scoop. There's an anonymous blogger out there who goes by the name Washingtonienne. She basically blogs about her boring life-- you know, like working on the hill, getting paid for butt sex, having sex with six different dudes. Y'know, the usual. Like Josh's blog.

Anyway, after Wonkette put up a link to the blog, it vanished. HOWEVER, Wonkette was able to find an archived version and has posted it on their site. Blogspot be damned.

Revel in all its vapid, raunchy hilarity.

Josh might not like this one.

Slate introduces a (pretty funny) new series--Kerryism of the Day - The senator's caveats and curlicues. By William Saletan.

In case you don't know: Bill Saletan is pretty f-ing rad.
Just so you know.

Does that mean Laura is Nicole? Or Penelope? Or L. Ron Hubbard?

Josh nails it: "In so many ways, George W. Bush is the political equivalent of Tom Cruise -- an actor that we may remember as having been funny in Jerry Maguire, until we watch it again and realize that he's got no rhythm and even the funniest jokes sound forced and dry in his mouth."

Did you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?

Hard to imagine.

Says Sully: "One small note about media bias: it seems, sadly, that Fox News Channel won't have me on at all. They like their gays, as Homer did: easily characterized as left-wing and flaming. Oh well."

Their loss. Did anyone see that Bill Maher with Sully and Rob Schneider?

God is in the iPod. Or not.

So Sasha Frere Jones is convinced that God is speaking to him through his iPod. When he randomizes the playlist, the songs selected appear to form some message or have some meaning or something.

So I decided to randomize the songs on my iPod and pick the first 20 to see if there were any messages from the beyond.

I don't think so.

1) The Beachwood Sparks: Let it Run
2) Outkast: Tomb of the Boom
3) Jay-Z: December 4th
4) Mary Lou Lord: Martian Saints!
5) The Postal Service: The Disctict Sleeps Alone Tonight (DJ Downfall Rmx)
6) Nusrat Fateh Ali Kahn: Shadow (Stae of Benegal Rmx)
7) Kiwi Dreams: Eye 2 Eye
8) Julee Cruise: Rockin' Back Inside My Heart
9) The Beat Band: Gone
10) Exhaust: A Medley of Late Night Buffet Commercials
11) David Bowie: Something In the Air
12) Wilco: Not For You (Alt. version)
13) Gordon Gano & Mary Lou Lord: Oh Wonder
14) The Beach Boys: Don't Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulders) (String Overdubs)
15) David Bowie: A New Career In a New Town
16) Angelo Badalamenti: Starnight
17) Massive Attack: Hymn of the Big Wheel
18) Missy Elliot: I'm Really Hot
19) Serge Gainsbourg: Planteur Punch
20) Aimee Mann: Pavlov's Bell

God is not speaking through that selection.

Is he serious?

Sorry to beat a dead horse... but this LA Times profile of Michael Moore is beyond annoying. I just realized that link won't work unless you have a subscription, so let me just quote the esp. annoying section:

"What is perhaps most surprising in 'Fahrenheit 9/11' is Moore's decision to make himself less visible as an on-camera presence, in part because the filmmaker says he 'has not been able to come to grips with my own recovery from Sept. 11.'
'I'm someone who lives in New York, who was supposed to fly that day, who lost a friend on the Boston flight, who watched the World Trade Center being built from my aunt's porch on Staten Island,' he says. 'I just couldn't come to grips with my own sadness, I just wasn't there yet. I felt that the issues that sprung from Sept. 11 deserved to be much more front and center.'
Besides, Moore says, 'I don't personally like to be on camera, I don't like looking at myself on screen. There's always been a sign in my editing rooms that says 'When in doubt, cut me out.' I've found that a little bit of me goes a long way."

Do you believe any of this? What part of his previous films make you think that he hates being on camera? Was there a period of time when he was OK with 9/11--or had come to terms with his recovery (or whatever mamby-pamby new age bullshit he's spouting)--that allowed him to (glibly) use the WTC imagery in Bowling For Columbine? Such grotesque faux-modesty.

Micahel, I don't feel your pain. Nor do I believe it.

Monday, May 17, 2004

I'm on Tim's turf here, but...

God bless Christopher Hitchens: "Until I realized that it was a no-smoking, no-drinking outfit, strongly pro-God and pro-Queen, I was vaguely drawn to the Scouts myself. "

Promise you won't be weird about it afterword?

From's "Sex Advice From..." series. This week it's "Sex Advice from DJs." This was my favorite question.
From DJ Sarah (24):

Q: What is the best technique to prevent premature ejaculation?

A: Girls should talk about their weight. That’ll make the boy be like, “Oh, man, this girl’s so annoying,” and it’ll stop him from thinking about how he’s going to come.

And this is pretty great too:

Q: How do you coax your friends into group sex?

A: Grab one of the people you want involved — let’s say it’s a girl. Point to the third party — let’s say it’s a boy. Say, “Check out that cute guy. Would you fuck him?” If she says yes, say, “Me too. Why don’t we totally fuck him together?” Then — and most importantly — say, "Promise you won't be weird about it afterward?" If she promises, you’re all set. Once you’ve got the girl signed on to the project, roping in the boy should be a piece of cake.

The New York Times weighs in.

A.O. Scott: "'Fahrenheit 9/11,' [Moore's] most disciplined and powerful movie to date, suggests that he is also, arguably, a great filmmaker. "

I just wrote a really long bit about the above blurb from Mr. Scott. I deleted it, 'cause what's the point? I haven't seen the film, so it's unfair for me to weigh in. And, really, who wants yet another anti-Moore spiel from me?

Exactly. That's what I thought.

Oh the delicious snarkiness of it all.

Wonkette on Moore's movie getting a 20 minute standing-o at Cannes:
"Usually, they only stand up that long to surrender."

About the name.

As for Josh's assertion that the name of my blog came to me during a third viewing of Troy, I can tell you all: IT'S NOT TRUE.

It came to me during the first viewing of the film. (Which was not too bad, methinks. It was kind of missing, oh, well-rounded characters and psychological heft, but it's a summer movie. So fuck that. And it was exactly 825,000 times better than Gladiator. Plus it's pretty rad when Brad Pitt is all like a scorpion and he's all jumping and then he's all chucking a spear down some dude's shoulder. Seriously rad.)

In all honesty, the name came to me while reading Robert Fagles' scrumtralescent translation of the Odyssey. Well worth a look.

It must be tiring to be that grumpy (and asexual).

Morrissey on Bowie: "[he] is only relevant by accident."

His quip on The Cure was way better. Back in the '80s, El Moz declared that The Cure had brought about a new dimension in crap. Or something along those lines.

Loretta's singin' on the radio.

How excellent would it be if Loretta Lynn invited you to her ranch and made you homemade chicken and dumplings? Reason no. 4,721 to be jealous of Jack White.

And if you haven't heard Ms. Lynn's new disc, Van Lear Rose, check it out. It's suprisingly raw and loose for an, er, older lady.

But that's how I like my ladies: old, raw, loose.

Well, at least he didn't use "What A Wonderful World."

Jeffery Wells, of Kevin Smith's gossip website Movie Poop Shoot, commends Michael Moore's restraint for not using any WTC footage in Farenheit 9/11. Instead, Moore focuses on "the inner devastation" by blacking out the screen, using the audio and then cutting back to the aftermath.


Lest we forget, Moore was not showing that glorious restraint in 2002's "Bowling For Columbine" when he glibly cut Louis Armstrong's "What A Wonderful World" to a shot of the plane hitting the second WTC tower.

Deep breath. This too shall pass.

Here we go...

The reviews from Cannes for Michael Moore's latest opus are beginning to trickle in:

Variety's Cannes Film Festival Coverage: "Pic fails to provide any hard facts or make any incriminating connections that a reasonably informed person doesn't already know about, so intellectually Moore is largely preaching to the converted in this blatant cinematic 2004 campaign pamphlet."

Oh boy. Can't wait for this one.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Pointing the finger elsewhere.

So much has been written about Columbine that is seems trite to even attempt to address it. However, when I saw Mr. & Mrs. Klebold announce that they "haven't done anything for which [they] need forgiveness," well, I felt compelled to respond.

Look: maybe I am being completely unfair. No one really knows what went on in the Klebold household. I don't know how Dylan and his parents interacted, but I do know that Dylan Klebold spent years wallowing in misery, stewing in hatred, getting in trouble with the law, etc. It seems that if his parents had put a little more effort into working with their kid, paying attention to him... In short: behaving like rational parents, the massacre might have been avoided. By all the accounts that I have read, Dylan Klebold was given free reign to do what he pleased after school. Yeah, guys, here's a thought: [a] Maybe he needed more supervision and [b] maybe he needed a real therapist. How 'bout that?

Again: it's stupid for me to sit here and pass judgment on their parenting skills when I wasn't privy to what was going on. But when I see such spiteful, gross attitude in print, it's hard not to lash out at them. The proper response from the Klebolds would have been to shut the fuck up and stay out of the media. Or better yet, to stand up and take responsibility for part of the problem. I somehow doubt that that's going to happen.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Dave Grohl gets bitch-slapped.

One of my favorite music critics Sasha Frere Jones (Slate, The New Yorker) fucks Dave Grohl up. Dizamn. Check it:

S/FJ: ROCKISMALISM: " Should I ever be asked to guest lecture on the subject of rockism, and I can't convince Mark Sinker to do everyone a favor and take the gig, I will hand the following clipping to the youth. They need read no further than this passage from Dave Grohl's Playlist, originally in the New York Times Arts & Leisure Section:

'BRITNEY SPEARS -- Take it from me, the airplane videos get 'em every time. Long gone are the days of Britney's high school pep-rally dance routines. Proving once again that she will not be outdone when it comes to pop sleaze, she's back with ''Toxic'' (Jive), four minutes of ''Showgirls'' meets 007. Here, you get three flavors to choose from: Britney the blonde, Britney the brunette and Britney the redhead. Without being nasty enough to really cause a stir, she manages to make out with about 27 guys in the course of a few minutes, although it's hard to keep track, what with all the hair dye going on. Oh yeah, then there's the song. Kudos to the mad genius who finally wrote the musical equivalent of brainwash. Deprogram me, now, please.'

The day Dave Grohl writes any 'brainwash' as focused and tough as 'Toxic,' he may actually convert someone who's never heard Nirvana. The day he gets over his 'female desire = sluttiness' problem, we'll take his face off the dart board. (She kisses about three or four guys, Dave, if memory serves, and what are you worried about in the first place?) And when he realizes that parodies are fair game for everybody, he will become, on that day, a man."


(For further bitch slapping, check out another great crit, Michaelangelo Matos, on Stephin Merritt: "[T]he Magnetic Fields is boring music for older siblings [of suburban kids] who fancy themselves intellectual because they read half a magazine piece by David Foster Wallace." Yeouch. Merritt got the smackdown after he called OutKast's music "innocuous party music for suburban teenagers.")

Well my work here is done.

It worked! My diabolical scheme of shaming my friends actually worked.

Everybody say hi to Timmy.

The NC-17 Stigma

So John Waters got an NC-17 slapped on his new film "A Dirty Shame." I'm not surprised. Mr. Waters making a film about sex addiction and porn is bound to be on the, um, risque side. With that in mind, I'm hoping that New Line has the balls to run with the rating. 
There's no doubt that the MPAA is enormously hypocritical when doling out their ratings ("Passion of the Christ" is an R? "Austin Powers: Goldmember" is PG-13?), but it's time for filmmakers and theater owners and studios to start working with the NC-17. 
When New Line hired Waters to write and direct the film, they had to know what they were getting into. They knew that Waters makes modestly budgeted movies that push, push, push the envelope. And they know that by cutting the film for an R isn't going to spell a huge financial windfall. So here's praying to Jehovah that they stand by their investment and go with it.

Worth a listen.

Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot in in demo form . (To get it, you need to register. Don't worry, registering is quick and painless.)

Thanks to the excellent Largehearted Boy for tracking that down.

Getting My Sea Legs.

The title's a pun.
Get it?
The point is, I am still learning how to do this blogging thing, blah blah blah.
In the meantime, enjoy a picture:


Thursday, May 13, 2004


My iPod is begging for this .

If anyone has a spare copy, please send it my way.


One down...

Wow. Talk about synchronicity...
Josh got his shit together.

All eyez on Tim.

Um, test test... Is this thing on...?

Oh boy.
I started a blog.
This is a problem, as I have nothing to really say at the moment...
Really, this is more of a way of shaming two of my friends into starting blogs.

Josh Gibson.
Tim Aaron.

I am calling you out. Get to it, motherfletchers.